Feature Photo Credit: International Mens Day
Hi, I’m Suzi, and today I want to talk about the men we love. Fathers, partners, brothers, friends, colleagues — the quiet ones who carry too much and the funny ones who keep the room light. For me, this isn’t theoretical. My dad was one of those men. Towards the end of his life, I could see he wasn’t happy, but he refused to talk about it, or even admit anything was wrong. He believed that “being strong” meant being silent. And I still wish he had known that sharing his pain wouldn’t have made him weaker — it would have shown him he didn’t have to carry everything on his own.
That’s why 19th November, International Men’s Day, matters to me. It’s not about putting men on a pedestal or centring them above anyone else. It’s about pausing long enough to ask a simple, human question: how are the men in our lives, really?
In recent years, I’ve noticed two truths living side-by-side. On one hand, we’re seeing more openness around mental health and masculinity. On the other, silence still sits heavy — a learned habit of coping alone, staying “strong”, never asking for help. I watched that silence shape someone I loved. This piece is my attempt to hold both truths gently. It’s a guided walk through what International Men’s Day stands for, why men’s mental health needs our attention, who’s out there doing brilliant work in the UK, and how we can all contribute to a kinder, healthier culture.
WHAT INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY IS (AND WHY IT MATTERS)
International Men’s Day originated in 1999, established by Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh in Trinidad and Tobago, and is now celebrated in over 80 countries. The day was created to celebrate positive male role models, raise awareness of men’s health (including mental health), improve gender relations, and foster equality. This day is not a counter-movement against women’s progress; rather, it serves as a complementary call to broaden our collective care. Healthy men, emotionally aware, connected, and supported, contribute to the formation of thriving families, workplaces, and communities. When men flourish, everyone reaps the rewards.
THE PILLARS: ROLE MODELS, HEALTH, EQUALITY, RELATIONSHIPS AND SAFETY
Men are often raised with the deeply ingrained belief that a real man must serve as the family’s cornerstone, bearing the weight of numerous expectations. From an early age, they are taught that they must be the strong, unyielding foundation that supports their families through thick and thin. Society often expects them to maintain their physical and mental health without showing any signs of weakness, regardless of the challenges they face. They are seen as the protectors of their loved ones, always ready to defend and provide security.
In addition to these responsibilities, men are also expected to serve as exemplary role models for their children, embodying virtues like courage, integrity, and resilience. They must navigate the delicate balance of expressing love and affection while remaining stoic, a trait often mistakenly equated with strength.
This is a significant burden to carry, especially when considering the reality that men, like everyone else, are simply human. They experience the same range of emotions and vulnerabilities, and the pressure to conform to these ideals can be overwhelming. It is important to recognise that men, too, need support, understanding, and the freedom to express their true selves without fear of judgment or ridicule.
PILLAR 1: POSITIVE ROLE MODELS
Many boys are raised with a limited understanding of “what a man should be”. International Men’s Day encourages us to broaden this perspective. A role model can take many forms: a father who admits his mistakes, a teacher who pays attention, a coach who embraces vulnerability, a manager who supports parental leave, or a friend who openly expresses: “I’m struggling”. The focus is not on perfection but on visibility. The more diverse role models we encounter, the safer it becomes for all men to embrace their full humanity.
PILLAR 2: MEN’S HEALTH, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL
Men are often hesitant to seek assistance for both physical and mental health challenges (always going back to the concept of “what a man should be”. This reluctance can lead to serious consequences, especially when considering preventable cancers, cardiovascular risks, substance abuse, and the prevalence of anxiety, depression, and burnout. Preventive care, routine check-ups, and understanding mental health are not optional; they are essential habits that can save lives. By normalising therapy, fostering peer support, and viewing “doctor’s appointments as acts of self-respect”, we can improve health outcomes.
PILLAR 3: EQUALITY & HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Equality is not a competition. When we equitably share caregiving responsibilities, promote flexible work arrangements, and cultivate respectful, non-violent relationships, it enhances men’s well-being. Educating about consent, communication, and emotional regulation not only safeguards women and children but also liberates men from the burdens of needing to exhibit toughness and control.
PILLAR 4: SAFETY
Safety encompasses more than just the apparent issues, such as reducing male violence and assisting victims. It also involves acknowledging that men are disproportionately affected by workplace fatalities, homelessness, addiction, and suicide. A compassionate approach combines both prevention and support: it challenges harmful behaviours while ensuring that men in crisis have swift access to non-judgmental assistance.
THE QUIET CRISIS: MEN’S MENTAL HEALTH
Here in the UK, too many men are still suffering in silence. That silence is shaped by socialisation (“man up”), fear of being a burden, and a lack of spaces where men feel safe to speak without being fixed or mocked. Add intersectional realities: racism, homophobia, class and disability, and barriers compound.
This is what that looks like on the ground: the friend who won’t tell anyone he’s not sleeping because of debt; the new dad quietly spiralling; the teenager performing confidence online and crumbling offline; the retired man who lost his purpose with his job title; the queer man who’s never felt safe in “lads’ spaces”; the man in an abusive relationship who doesn’t know where to turn.
Stigma is loosening, but slowly. What helps? Men-only peer groups that feel culturally familiar. Therapy presented as a strength, not a failure. Primary care that screens for mental health as routinely as blood pressure. Workplaces that train managers to have humane, practical conversations (“What would help this week?”). And families who treat big feelings as normal, yes, even from the quiet, competent ones.
WHO’S HELPING: UK CHARITIES, GROUPS AND THERAPY ROUTES
I want to spotlight organisations I genuinely admire. If any of this resonates, save this section and pass it on.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a major UK charity taking on suicide, offering a free, confidential helpline and webchat 5pm-midnight every day, plus brilliant awareness campaigns that meet men where they are.
Samaritans
Samaritans (call 116 123) are available 24/7, every day of the year, and offer confidential, non-judgemental emotional support over the phone or by email. You can talk to them about anything that’s weighing on you — stress, loneliness, intrusive thoughts, or simply feeling overwhelmed. You don’t have to be in crisis, and you don’t need to explain or justify why you’re calling. They’re there to listen.
Shout
Shout (text 85258) Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service available around the clock. A trained volunteer will text back and support you through moments of anxiety, panic, suicidal thoughts, or when you just need someone “there” while you get things off your chest. Ideal if speaking aloud feels too difficult, or if you need support discreetly.
Mind
Mind is a leading national mental health charity offering information, advice, and practical guidance on a huge range of mental health topics. Local Mind branches often provide low-cost counselling, peer support groups, wellbeing workshops, crisis support, and advocacy. Their website is a great starting point for learning about symptoms, rights, and treatment options.
Andy’s Man Club
Andy’s Man Club. Free, men-only talking groups across the UK on Monday nights. No pressure to speak; just a seat and a brew.
Talk Club
Talk Club is a nationwide network of free, peer-led support groups for men, meeting every Monday evening. No sign-up, no referral and no expectations — you can share if you want to, or simply sit with others over a cup of tea. A low-pressure space to feel understood, especially for men who find it hard to open up elsewhere.
Online check-ins and running clubs are also built around the question “How are you? Out of 10?” It helps men express how they’re really doing, track their wellbeing, and build supportive routines.
Movember
Movember is best known for the moustaches, but behind the campaign is a major global charity funding men’s mental health programmes, suicide prevention initiatives, and research into prostate and testicular cancers. They also promote community projects that encourage men to talk earlier and seek help sooner.
Funds men’s mental health and suicide prevention, prostate and testicular cancer research, and community programmes.
The ManKind Initiative
The ManKind Initiative ia a specialist charity supporting male victims of domestic abuse, offering a confidential helpline, practical guidance, and information about legal options, housing, safety planning, and emotional support. They also raise awareness so men know they can seek help without shame or doubt.
SurvivorsUK
SurvivorsUK provides support to men, boys and non-binary people affected by sexual violence, whether it happened recently or years ago. Their services include online chat, group work, counselling and advocacy, delivered in a trauma-informed, sensitive way. Helpful for anyone wanting safe, specialist support.
Men’s Sheds
Men’s Sheds are community workshops offering a relaxed way for men to connect by making, mending and creating things together — woodworking, fixing bikes, gardening, electronics, and more. It’s companionship through doing rather than talking, which many find easier and more natural. Great for reducing isolation while learning new skills.
Hub of Hope
Hub of Hope a national mental health directory that lets you enter your postcode and instantly find local NHS, charity and community services. It’s regularly updated and covers everything from crisis lines to wellbeing groups and specialist support. Ideal when you’re not sure where to start.
NHS Talking Therapies
In most areas you can self-refer directly to NHS Talking Therapies (previously IAPT) for support such as CBT, counselling, guided self-help and group courses. It’s free and you don’t need a GP letter. Services vary by region, but it’s often the quickest route into structured therapy.
BACP / Counselling Directory
BACP / Counselling Directory are two widely trusted directories for finding qualified, accredited private therapists. You can filter by specialism (e.g., trauma, anxiety, relationships), therapy style, gender, culture, LGBTQ+ awareness, language, location, and price range. Useful if you want something tailored or if NHS waits are long.
If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. If you need urgent mental health help, your local NHS trust will have a 24/7 crisis line, search “NHS urgent mental health help” plus your area.
WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP REDIFINE MASCULINITY?
The cultural landscape is evolving. True strength now manifests in actions like reaching out to a friend, leaving a harmful environment, requesting flexibility from HR, admitting to your partner, “I’m not okay”, scheduling a visit with your GP, joining a support group, and learning to set boundaries calmly.
I find hope in the emergence of present fatherhood, with men actively participating at school gates and pediatric appointments; in teams and gyms that prioritise mental well-being alongside physical health; in workplaces fostering psychological safety; and in boys being educated that empathy is a profound strength. None of this diminishes anyone; rather, it creates space for everyone to thrive.
Change does not necessitate grand displays. It develops quietly.
At home, normalise emotional check-ins. Share responsibilities, both practical and emotional. Celebrate kindness as much as success. In friendship circles, ask deeper questions and make an effort to follow up. In workplaces, advocate for flexible working arrangements for all genders, normalise using EAPs (Employee Assistance Programmes), and train managers to recognise early signs of distress. In communities, support men’s groups, encourage compassionate sports, and ensure older men are seen and heard. Online, resist mockery and harmful group dynamics; instead, uplift valuable resources.
And to any man reading this: you are worthy of care. Seeking support is a demonstration of leadership in your life, not a diversion from it.
MY REFLECTIONS ON KINDNESS, STRENGTH AND BEING HUMAN
When I reflect on the men in my life, I focus not on their job titles or achievements, but on the small acts of courage they exhibit. For instance, my dad patiently explaining something for the sixth time, a friend opting for counselling after years of managing alone, or a neighbour who sincerely apologised to his son. While these moments may never trend on social media, they truly embody strength to me.
We often discuss “holding space”, which can feel abstract. In practice, it means allowing a man to express his fears without rushing to fix him. It involves asking how you can assist and genuinely believing his response. It’s about sitting in silence and checking in again the next day. It involves recognising that men can embody a mix of being loving yet lost, resilient yet exhausted, protective yet in need of protection.
I’ve discovered that kindness isn’t simply soft; it’s precise. It can sound like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet, would you like to take a walk?” It may look like forwarding the contact for a local support group and offering to accompany him on his first visit. It feels like choosing curiosity over judgment.
A Better Future for Men Starts Here
If International Men’s Day signifies anything, it should represent a broader understanding of who men can be, along with a stronger commitment to making help accessible, evident, and free of shame. The world we are shaping is not one where men constantly discuss their feelings; rather, it’s one where they are permitted to do so and know where to turn when they need assistance. This isn’t a cultural battle; it’s a step toward civilisation.
International Men’s Day is just one day, but the work continues every day. Keep the dialogue alive. Share this message with someone who might benefit from it. Schedule that check-up. Save the contact in your phone. Ask the more thoughtful questions. And if today feels heavy, remember that you are not alone, and help is available to meet you where you are.